Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
