if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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