We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize