i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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