Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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