morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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