google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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