That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
