My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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