Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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