Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
