it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
