meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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