We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry my hands just texted you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
