You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
