So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do herpes really smell.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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