so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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