Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
