Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
