What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize