I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
