I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
