Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
