I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
