my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Randomize
