It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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