I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
