yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
