Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
