currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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