dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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