I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
