The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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