i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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