YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
