I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
