Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
