I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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