Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
