just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
