i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
