Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
