I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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