I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
