Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize