this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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