god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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