When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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