I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
