instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize