There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
