So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize