i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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