Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
