so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
