saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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