There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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