DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
