So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
