I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
