You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
