Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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