Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
