bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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