Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
