Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
