I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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