I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
