Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
