: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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