you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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